Rick's Tavern vs. Father's Office

I didn't have my first hamburger until I was 17, partly because the Hamburglar scared me and primarily because I HATE CONDIMENTS. And the main reason why people like hamburgers is because they are smeared in ketchup or mustard or (dry heave) mayonaise or "special sauce". I don't care for any of the above so I steered clear of hamburgers altogether. After a couple choice encounters with In N Out --tomatoes, lettuce and grilled onions ONLY-- I've acquired a taste for them.

On the Westside I know of two places that are famous for their hamburgers. One being Rick's Tavern on Main Street, the other Father's Office on Montana. Even though its probably not fair to compare the two because they are so different, I am going to face them off against eachother anyway. Because that's life.

FATHER'S OFFICE: The heavyweight
Upscale, trendy bar with a bazillion beers on tap.
Specialty: Mouthwatering gourmet burgers smothered in bleu cheese and carmelized onions.
Pros: The burgers are really great, the atmosphere is fun if you like interracting with strangers (i.e. you are the type of person who doesn't mind talking to the people next to you in line at the supermarket) They have a ton of old Trivial Pursuit questions cards from the 70's that help kill time. The bartenders are very helpful and attentive.
Cons: Finding a table during peak hours is tough. I suggest going on a weekday before 7 or after 10. The prices are painfully high. A burger, drink and fries (which have to be purchased separately) will run you about $15-$20 depending on what you drink.
The Pros about the Cons: The crowded atmosphere can be a lot of fun. Snagging a table is easiest when you make friends with someone who is getting ready to go. For those of us which social anxiety issues, Father's Office is a good place to practice that assertiveness everyone keeps talking about.

I know, it's tiny.

Rick's Tavern: The Underdog
Dive bar with sticky floors, tv screens and old men.
Specialty: Enormous burgers that are half off on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Pros: The 1/2 off special (comes out to be about $4.50) can not be beat. The burger is about the size of a ten year old's face and it comes with CRISS CUT FRIES. All of the hamburger accessories, including the condiments, are served on the side. They even have A1 sauce, which is one of the few condiments I actually like.
Cons: The place is pretty janky. Not exactly a great date place unless your date is an awesome person that can look past the disgusting sports bar paraphanalia and cheap old man cologne. Parking is kind of a bitch, but the biggest bitches around are the waitresses. Yeah, they are tired and underpaid and sexually harassed but can I please have an order of courtesy, hold the sarcasm.
Pros about the Cons: The atmosphere really puts you at ease to eat your burger comfortably. Its a big burger so its hard not make a mess.


Who says you can't find love in a sports bar?

The name's of these two places ALONE give you an idea of what to expect. F.O. is the kind of place your Father would go after leaving the Office. That is, of course, assuming your father is a 20 something year old yuppie struggling to hide the remnants of his frat guy past. Rick's Tavern isn't OG pirate enough to deserve its surname but it could definitely satisfy a pirates hunger.



--Just for the record I like F.O. more but I'll probably go to R.T. more often in my lifetime.




-Joanne


Rick's Tavern --> 2907 Main Street Santa Monica, Ca 90405
(310) 392-2772

Father's Office --> 1018 Montana Ave Santa Monica, Ca 90403
(310) 393-2337

Sprinkles Cupcakes

I'd eat here every day if it rained money.



I don't know what to say. Sprinkles cupcakes are tasty. But they're also far more expensive than a cupcake of that size should ever be. $3.50 each or $36 for a dozen.

Other things you could get for $36:
3 books/dvds/cds
1 parking ticket paid
1 tank of gas if your tank holds 12 gallons and the price of gas is $3/gallon

As with all bakeries, the earlier in the day you go the better. For some reason, the concept of cooking food while you're open escapes pastry chefs. So, a late afternoon visit might mean a diminished selection and imminent staleness (just barely detectable, but there around the edges exposed to the air all day).

Someday I will make cupcakes that are that tasty, or embark on a plan to open a Caketorium that will drive Sprinkles out of business. Either way.

Sprinkles cupcakes make me:

(have feet that point outwardly stemming from a weird crotch)

But their price makes me:


(a sad and angry minority with bad teeth)

-->Ravi

Taco Showdown: King Taco vs. Tacos Por Favor

If tacos could tac, what would they say?
















(Images courtesy of tacohunt.blogspot.com, because I forgot to recharge my digital camera's battery. Technically we did not visit that King Taco branch.)

King Taco has found its queen: Joanne is possibly the most devoted customer they have. That's not to say that her allegiance is blind: when they mixed up my order, she showed them who's boss (it wasn't me).

The winner of this battle? King Taco, at least for the time being. At both places I had tacos, but at King Taco they were each $0.62 cheaper, which really adds up when you eat four tacos. At KT I also tried a carne asada burrito with my chicken tacos. You are what you eat, I guess, because I was too chicken to tell them that my burrito was supposed to be made of meat-- they rectified the situation quickly and without protest, though.

King Taco also wins on the salsas. The red salsa packed punch but also had flavor, while the TPF salsa was a bit runny and was hot more than anything else. TPF's green salsa didn't have much of any flavor.

Ah, but Tacos Por Favor wins on menu variety. That is, they actually had a menu with more than just tacos and burritos. I look forward to trying their chile rellenos.

But I'll also be back for their hot chorizo and cheese little number in the corn tortilla skirt. (That made no sense.)

Does this spell the end of my Chipotle trips? If anything, it's made me realize that Chipotle isn't all that expensive-- both meals cost more than the Potle.

I also prefer crispy tacos.

Overall, Mexican Food makes me feel:



-->Ravi

Instead of writing my essay, I did a little research.

I get asked this a lot, so I'm happy to finally be able to provide the answer.

In Los Angeles County, restaurant inspections fall into two categories: routine and follow-up. Basically, routine inspections happen regardless of the restaurant grade, and they are random and without notice. Follow-up inspections-- to make sure that a violation which poses some threat to public safety has been resolved-- are scheduled visits. (There are other grey areas, like when a restaurant owner requests a re-inspection to improve his/her grade, but let's not get bogged down in the details.)

I would also like to direct your attention towards Environmental Health's Self-Inspection Checklist. Think of it as the home version of your favorite TV game show, except it's actually a way for you to inspect your own kitchen and I may begin to require it when I eat at friends' houses starting in 2006 (wow me during this generous three-week grace period!).

Helping you help me,
Ravi

where do your burrito loyalties lie?

mrsewan: raaaavi
Ravi728: kaaathy
Ravi728: are you on campus?
mrsewan: yea =(
mrsewan: i want to go home!
Ravi728: until the sneak tonight?
mrsewan: my sister's buying me food but i can't eat it until i get home at 8:30
mrsewan: yea
Ravi728: eeeeeeek
mrsewan: so my burrito will be cold =(
mrsewan: so i'll have to microwave it
Ravi728: awww
mrsewan: which makes it taste slightly soggy
mrsewan: but still delicious
Ravi728: from where?
mrsewan: i can't disclose that information.
Ravi728: hahaha
Ravi728: because
Ravi728: it's baja fresh?
Ravi728: you don't even have to say it
Ravi728: your silence implies your guilt!
mrsewan: hahahaha

To eric, thought of you:

Sorry, not food related.

The Stand--Your local hot dog eatery

If your local hot dog stand was the Ritz Carlton.

I have only known of maybe a total of three places where I could fulfill my love for phallic shaped meat: a) Pink's b) U-Dog (RIP. you will be forever missed) and c)Josie Maronne's sausages at the Century City Mall. As for Pink's, I refuse to stand in line for thirty minutes for a relatively decent turkey hot dog. I just won't do it. Besides, parking is a bitch enough as it is in LA, I don't need it to be complicated by dodging for spots with hipsters in Volvos. U-Dog went out of business and I only found this out recently, so a single tear goes out for their deliciously spicy veggie hot-dog. And since I'm never in Century City anymore, I have no reason to visit and a hot dog isn't enough for me to make the trip.

So what do I have left now that I am living in Sherman Oaks?



It's a five minute drive from my apartment and they offer one free hour of parking with validation! (*****)

Quaint doesn't even begin to describe The Stand. The exterior brings back nostalgic memories that I've never had of childhoods in North Carolina, sipping lemonade on the front porch, and tire swinging. The interior is small and cozy with a diner feel, but not contrived like Johnny Rockets.



But on with the hot dogs.

I had the "Chicago" turkey dog which consisted of small turkey hot dog (a little thinner than what I'm used to; I'm a fan of girth) encased in a kaiser roll. Piled on top were pickles, onions, tomatoes, mustard, sport peppers, and a raddish whose teal green color should never occur naturally.

Neil had a regular all beef hot dog, piled high with bits of bacon and cheddar cheese. I was disappointed that the cheese was not melted, but I guess it is only a hot dog. We also shared a small side of Macaroni and Cheese (how the hell do I not weigh 500 pounds?).

The Verdict: I would definitely visit again. The atmosphere is lovely. The hot dogs were satisfying and paying a measly $3.95 for a hot dog? Both wallet and appetite are sated.

The Stand
17000 Ventura Boulevard
(Just West of Balboa)
Encino, CA 91316

Swedish Antics

The Webster House

the best meal of my life this year (particularly in sweden but not restricted to it or the world), closely comparable but better than the expensive anniversary dinner at Il Cielo over one year ago, would be at the Webster's house.

yes, it is a family joint. (i just cringed at the word "joint") and yes it is cheap free. and yes, the chef was the father.

main point: he is a self-made gourmet chef.

i feel like i'm cheating by this non-graded, frequented by the same four family members and work colleagues&friends--but this house should be a high scale restaurant in a posh area of your favorite great city.

the atmosphere is warm, lively--old, good U2 plays in the background, Dali and Italian Renaissance Jesuses adorn the walls alongside native art and sketches of Malmo from the 1970s. the table is (elegantly) set for intimacy, laughter, and best represents the Webster's unique unconscious concept of how dining ties people together.

the first dish is saffron peasant soup--an asiatic bird not indigenous in Sweden, but introduced here some time ago. the gorgeous texture is trimmed by the dashes of an herb scattered atop--it looked like basil or koriander, but its taste held a subtler punch. this was served with thinly sliced french baguettes. this dish firmly introduces the holidays as saffron, a once rare and precious spice, is primarily used around this time of year.

the main course was seared lamb shanks--with perfect crossing grill marks (but no char residue), medium perfect rareness--and from the taste of it, rosemary seasoned. i made every bite last. it was served with a side of french green beans, cherry tomatoes, and small red potatoes quartered, baked along with red pepper slices and a loosely chopped onion.

the white wine complemented each bite--the balance of the meal was pretty damn remarkable. i was heaven. why isn't this my family?

dessert was an italian dish--i do not remember the name of, but i recall the chef saying how it was made from a special milk and--it had the consistency of the good part of tiramisu and vanilla pudding--but with shaved dark chocolate on top, and a sauteed cherry sauce on the side.

i declined the dessert liqueur but it was beautiful.

i wish i had taken pictures of this--i felt like i witnessed an artist at work, and felt all of its repercussions.

it was honestly great enough for ZG. and the kitchen was spotless--the chef, sanitary. my favorite part was the swedish efficiency, candlelight, allusion to the fact that the family does not believe in god but yes i am surrounded in the dining room by jesus stained glass-art, paintings, or murals.

The Webster House: fantastiskt. if you can come to sweden, befriend Rebecca Webster and get invited to their Sunday dinners, do it.

The B Material (or: "Coming Clean About Being Dirty")

I haven't been exactly truthful.

I pretend to be snobby. I pretend to be above the hoi-palloi, what with their "Pooled/Shelled Eggs," "Deterioration/Facility Not Fully Enclosed," or "Wiping Rag" violations at the restaurants they frequent.

Yes. I, Ravi Dehar, have eaten at B restaurants. And I'm not talking about shady restaurants in towns in which they don't grade their eateries, so they're probably Bs (Silver Dragon Chinese Cuisine in Davis comes to mind, but good lord, if I die eating their crab-meat cheese fried wantons, I die happy). I mean knowingly eating at restaurants that have received a less-than desireable grade. And if not knownlingly, then in large quantities I soon regretted.

I've strayed four times that I can count. Here is a summary of each instance, complete with an excuse.

Urth Cafe
I had just visited Sweet Lady Jane's (bakery) for the first time, and we took the cake to go. I needed milk, and this looked like a place that'd have it. They did, I drank, and I live. But I'm not proud of it.

Frankie and Johnny's NY Pizza
I didn't know this was a B restaurant until much later after I ate it. Last year I was on the Student Committee for the Arts and the only benefit to that was the free dinner on Mondays. Honestly, I expected better food, but we got pizza a lot. This one looked shady, so I only ate one slice, then when I got home I found out the awful truth. I wanted to throw up.

Daikou Ramen
I knew this was a B restaurant going in, so I didn't order anything. The host insisted that I try some of the Ramen broth, and I relented. Got home to see the violation was for no hot water and cockroaches(!). He probably doesn't read this blog, so that'll be our secret for now.

U-Dog
I was inebriated (for the first time). I don't really remember much, but boy was I embarassed when I walked by the next day and saw the B. Beer goggles affect different people in different ways, I guess.

I'm not proud of it. But now we can move forward, right, with a clean slate? Just because I've eaten at B restaurants and lived, though, doesn't mean I'm going to make a habit of it. If you've been saving a seat for me at Gushi, well, keep waiting.

Yes, this honest (every ZagatWho? entry from me will end in a random offensive image, so apologies in advance):



-->Ravi

Bluebird Bakery: Retrospecticus!

Come and give heed, if thou wouldst, to the story of the Noble Four and their journey to the Bluebird Bakery. From the annals of the intarweb, our four heroes did decipher apocryphal lines of the most ancient runes in order to divulge the most closely guarded secret of the Ages... The location of the fabled shores of Bluebird Bakery: 8572 National Boulevard, Culver City, California 90232.

The trek was arduous, hearts (and bellies) were tempted by the more easily-had prizes of the Boston Market. But with steadfast hope in greater riches to come, the Noble Four did surpass the Siren's Call of meatloaf, beef tri-tip, and cornbread rolls. For great are the rewards to those sure of heart and steady of spirit. And great rewards were exactly what the Noble Four did have for their own upon arrival:

While they may look delectable, delicious, and any other d-word you may think of, many are the wandering travelers who have unwittingly fallen prey to the most vicious of all pastry toppings: the walnut. With this knowledge steadfast in their thoughts the Noble Four approached their quarry with great care, despite the more than ample glass shielding that lay betwixt us and the deceptively innocuous beasts that lay neatly arranged within. (Editor's Note: When they say "Do not tap the glass," maaaan you had better not tap the glass! I barely made it out of harm's way, but Ravi lost his left ring finger! Where is a man gonna put a ring now? He's going to die a spinster!)

Their nerves steeled and wits firmly about them, the Noble Four did take their leave of the Cagéd Pastries and march onward to gentler wings of the menagerie. Here we have the holding pen of the docile Cupcake, upon which herds the Bluebird Bakery spared no expense. With an air of showiness, they almost flaunt their skills in pastry husbandry. There was more than a little irony in the herds, in that the numerous breeds were presented with such nonchalance that one knows great care was taken in the breeding and grooming of each particular cupcake in particular. Which is not to say that the individual attention was a waste; they tasted as one might expect the Messiah, our Lord Jesus Christ would taste like, were he to offer Himself up in pastry form to the sinners of the world.

Were they mere peasant-folk, the Noble Four may easily have been bewitched by the achingly beautiful treats before them. But nay, foolish reader. Are not the Noble Four capitalized for a reason? Indeed, our canny heroes' attentions were not long intoxicated by mere desserts. Bluebird Bakery is more than just as such. They also field a vast array of sandwiches, both traditional and pressed. These great brutes are borne of naught but the finest breads (the ranks of olive loaf and rye bread are stacked most impressively in formation at all times) and meats (from Chicken to Pastrami to Tuna Salad-- harvested from the very children of Neptune himself! What opulence!). With fierce determination, great ardor, and (they hoped) the blessings of their respective patron gods, the Noble Four did dive headlong into fierce combat with the many sandwiches of Bluebird Bakery. Behold!


Ravi the Fuzzy-Chops, great chieftan from the Northlands, shows little fear and even less mercy to his Chicken Melt. Its layers of olive loaf are no match for his eager teeth. Lush slices of fresh tomato and melted aged cheddar did ooze from the gaps in his foe's armor. For unremitting domination is the way of his people. Woe unto their enemies.


The Mysterious Erica, hailing from lands beyond even the hazy shores of Bluebird Bakery, ambled forth to face her foe with naught but a flimsy plastic fork and a mischievious grin. Her tiny stature proved a most unfortunate facade to the Tuna Melt before her. Cybernetic enhancements to numerous portions of her skeleton made short work of the sandwich's hearty potato dill bread (delicious, but deadly). Though taciturn in peace, Erica proved every bit as vicious in action, hewing molten cheddar and fresh tomato from her foe every bit as eagerly as Ravi the Fuzzy-Chops.


Shahin the Scholarly, who lived among the Germanic tribes and learned of their implacable ways, did carefully peel back the restraints on his Pastrami Reuben. The crisp autumn air quickly filled with the scent of pastramied beef, grilled rye bread, melted gruyere cheese, sauerkraut, and Russian dressing-- which the Ancient Sages of Bluebird described as a veritable witch's brew of herbs and potions ranging from parsley and peppers to vinegar and chili sauce. Shahin the Scholarly heeded the advisement of the Sages and faced his foe methodically, peeling its layers back piecemeal and layering the provided coleslaw (a light, almost summery concotion which did not have the heaviness of other slaw dressings) in the innards of the sandwich. The pleased chewing of our hero gave witness as to the effectiveness of this sagely tactic.


Thy humble chonicler, Eric the Righteous, did beseech his mighty Lord for the strength and wisdom with which to defeat the Pastrami Reuben that lay before him. With none of the calculated steps that Shahin the Scholarly employed to vanquish his Reuben, Eric the Righteous challenged his own with bites that other men would call unearthly, impossible. But Eric the Righteous did merely smile and give thanks unto his mighty God for embiggening his eternal soul and, more specifically, his gaping jaws. The ways of the Lord are mysterious indeed, but the Holy shall never fall to the Sandwich. Glory and Hallelujah to the Lord Most High, Mighty Defeater of Sandwiches big and small alike!


But what have we here? What treasures lay within this plain brown box, inscribed with but a single simple rune...?

...Such treasures that mighty Empires have been lost over. The Noble Four were given charge of four cupcakes, three paid for in doubloons and pieces-of-eight, one a generous gift from the magnanimous Sages of Bluebird. The breeds of cupcake tamed and eaten by our heroes were, starting clockwise from the top:

Coconut: Pillowy vanilla cake-- flesh whiter than the first snowfall of the frigid Northlands-- is topped with a creamy coconut frosting and sprinkled with slivers of dried (Wait for it...) coconut (BAM!).

Red Velvet: Bred by Buddhist Monks high in the Himalayan Mountains for its signature red cakey flesh, dense and almost (but not quite) chewy, with the vaguest touch of a berry flavor that may well have been hallucinations brought on by the richness of the cream cheese frosting covering the top.

Chocolate: Though not as fancy as the previous breed, any gift from the Sages of Bluebird is not to be confused for some pedestrian snack-cake. Beneath the outer layer of gooey chocolate frosting beats a pure brown heart of darkness so chocolatey that it is rumored one can transcend time itself with such rich chocolate cake on his tongue. The Mysterious Erica was not one to divulge whatever transcendental wisdom she gained from communion with the Chocolate Cupcake.

(Another) Red Velvet: The Geminaic counterpart to the previous Red Velvet specimen.

Such were the immortal delights of the Cupcake that our ordinarily stern heroes were given to flights of fanciful tomfoolery. Ever dedicated to the art of the scrivener, thy humble chonicler did capture the sSexy cupcake wrapper footage that ensued! Ooh la la! (Editor's Note: Video footage encoded in XviD, in case you need to chase down the proper codec. Hint-- Google XviD, click the second link, and install.)

Though the roads were long and fraught with danger, the Noble Four did feast their eyes, noses, and bellies upon the fabled delights of The Bluebird Bakery. Ravi the Fuzzy-Chops was noted to have given the Bluebird Bakery an unprecedented five thumbs up!:

(Editor's Note: Though I did meekly attempt to advise the mighty Fuzzy-Chops that but one of the appendages on his mighty paw were thumbs, thereby making his five-thumbs-up laudation somewhat of a misnomer, I was hardly able to eke the words from my humble mouth before the Fuzzy-Chops reached for his impressively heavy war-club with full intent to dash thy humble chronicler's brains out upon the walls. Again I declare: woe unto the enemies of thy people, O Ravi Fuzzy-Chops. Woe and terror.

And these things I say unto you in this year of our Lord Two-Thousand and Five are truth, O faceless populous of the intarweb!

Ever thy humble servant,
Eric the Righteous