The Talent We Must Emulate

This past week, the Pulitzer Prize in the category of criticism, went to food critic Jonathan Gold of LA Weekly. You have probably heard about this because it's kind of a big deal-- no food critic, not even from the New York Times or the LA Times, has ever won the prize. Essentially, this man has been deemed the best critic of anything in the country. So of course, I had to check this guy out.

I never really read LA Weekly, because the print edition is kinda cheap looking and filled with way too many ads; their website seems a bit cluttered, so I tended to avoid that as well. But I finally checked out a few of his articles, and I gotta admit, this guy is pretty awesome: he's not pretentious, his excitement for the food he reviews is obvious, and the way in which he describes the food is pretty impressive.

Is he the best overall critic in the country? I have no idea. But he's certainly a pretty damn good food critic.

La Bruschetta Ristorante

For years, I have driven past La Bruschetta dreaming about all the delectable food that could possibly wait inside-- it's named after my favorite appetizer, so it has to be good, right? Not so much.

La Bruschetta Ristorante is like an upscale neighborhood joint. We arrived at around 6:00, when the restaurant was empty, but we were assured by our waiter that the place usually starts filling up at 6:30. When people did start arriving, most seemed to be members of the AARP (it's not a place known for its atmosphere).

When I opened the menu, the first item I looked for was the bruschetta; it wasn't on the menu. But the wily owners behind the restaurant were one step ahead of us: the bruschetta is complimentary. With my fears assuaged, I eagerly dug into the the restaurant's namesake.

To say I was disappointed would be putting it mildly. In Italy, bruschetta (let's class it up and start pronouncing it with the "k") was the solution to the problem of dealing with day-old bread: grill it, toast it, do whatever to it, add tomatoes, garlic, basil and olive oil, and you've replaced once-stale bread with a tasty treat. The problem with the bruschetta at the restaurant was that the bread actually tasted stale. Adding insult to injury, the tomatoes had a bland taste, with little to no seasoning. This was certainly not a good way to start the meal.

As for the entrees (pasta priced between $12 and $20, "second piatti" priced between $20 and $30), I was again underwhelmed. I initially ordered the linguini al pesto e capesante... linguini with bay scallops, basil and white wine sauce. That's not what came to my table. I think I was just completely engulfed in my conversation with Stephanie that I didn't really pay attention to what I was eating. It wasn't until after I finished my plate that the waiter mentioned I was given the wrong order. Notice the absence of anything really green, like the basil sauce; I just assumed that I misread the menu (there were lots of italian words, and the lines were close together, I got confused). I was served linguini (I think) with fresh crab meat and zucchini. The crab was rather bland and practically non-existent. In fact, the flavor of the pasta (which probably needed another minute or two to be al dente) and the olive oil seemed to overwhelm what little flavor the crab meat may have had.

I was hoping our meal was going to get comp'd because of the chef's mistake, but instead, they gave us free dessert-- tiramisu.

The tiramisu was slightly above average, but not memorable. It was a little too creamy for me, and the espresso was by far the dominant flavor (in a bad way). The raspberry "sauce" complemented the tiramisu well, but the lemon "sauce" did nothing for me.

I must admit, the service was pretty good. Our waiter was very friendly and very knowledgeable about the food, although I did feel a little uncomfortable staying around well after our meal was over, but that's customary of nearly all restaurants in the U.S.

I was going back and forth with this, but I'll wuss out and give it a C-/C.

La Bruschetta Ristorante
1621 Westwood Blvd
Los Angeles, Ca. 90024

Ketchup

Ketchup, located in the heart of West Hollywood, is the latest "hot spot" from the Dolce Group. It is definitely a place to see and be seen, but other than its upscale diner fare schtick, and the possibility of seeing pseudo-celeb/restauranteur/drunk, Tara Reid, it doesn't have much else going for it.

We made reservations for 9pm on a Saturday night about a week after Ketchup opened. Parking is near impossible on Sunset since most available spots are reserved for valet. My car was left basically where I dropped it off. So we essentially paid $10 valet for someone to hold my keys. How very LA.

As you walk in at street level, the hosts and hostesses (slash actors slash models) greet you, then take you up an elevator to the second floor where the restaurant is located. This gives those with window tables a beautiful view of the street. We had a pretty remarkable view of a billboard (see above photo).

I suppose the scene was pretty cool, or at the very least, novel. They definitely stayed true to the theme of ketchup, and all things tomato. The lighting is all red, and there are posters and large photomosaics of Heinz ketchup bottles. The wine racks are filled with ketchup bottles and the servers all wear t-shirts with fake ketchup splatters. Instead of flowers, you'll find fresh tomatos in clear boxes on the table. I couldn't decide whether I thought this was clever or cheesy, and it felt slightly reminiscent of that Top Chef challenge where they had to open up and decorate a restaurant very quickly.

The servers were very friendly and down-to-Earth, which was a pleasant surprise. However, my experience was dampened by their very evident inexperience. Our server was probably an actor, because he gave a pretty convincing impression that he knew what he was talking about. When Surafel asked how large the mahi mahi entree was, he said it was definitely big enough for two people. I know this is LA, but either he had never seen the dish before, or he was smoking crack because on no realm of reality could that entree have been enough for two people. Later, as he cleared away our plates, he accidentally spilled someone else's leftover cocktail on me. He was mostly apologetic but it left me unimpressed with their lack of professionalism. Hopefully, they've gotten their act together since.

Servers go around in carts and make your cocktails right at your table. They have some interesting combinations that fit the Americana theme: cocktails made with Kool-Aid, Yoo-Hoo or Tang (!). Surpisingly, at $12 a glass (and at a restaurant Tara Reid supposedly frequents), they were not very strong. Appropriately, Daryl deemed them "kids' stuff".

Grape Kool-Aid martini ^

Drink cart ^

But on with the food! The highlight of the evening was the pretzel bread, which they provided gratis. It was a surprising starter, and was buttery, salty and delicious. I only wish they gave more. It came with two sauces, one of which was a mustard blend. I ate my pretzel plain, but highly enjoyed it.

Pretzel bit ^

Ketchup's forte is their appetizers. In the $10-20 price range, you might be more satisfied to just order appetizers, sides and desserts while you people watch. We ordered the Kobe beef hot dogs ("Barking Dogs") and the sweet potato tater tots, and a side of parmesean fries, all of which were tasty and cute.

The fries came with five different types of ketchup: regular, maple, mango, ranch and chipotle. The weird mixes didn't particularly taste like fusions of their namesakes and ketchup. The mango just tasted like mango, the maple just tasted like syrup and the ranch just tasted like ranch dressing. The chipotle was pretty good, and had a little kick to it. It seemed like they were trying too hard to be creative, and it was not panning out. Again, kind of like Top Chef.

Kobe beef hot dogs (left) & sweet potato tater tots (right) ^

Five types of ketchup ^

Parmesean fries ^

Peruse the "Surf n' Turf" menu and you will find an array of good-ol', high-priced American comfort food, such as mac&cheese, shake n' bake chicken, and meatloaf. Their "surf" section featured standard restaurant seafood fare, like they were stretching to match the "surf and turf" theme.

The entrees weren't that great. The fish was okay (it's kind of hard to mess up fish), but it's hard to justify paying $29 for something the size of a McDonalds filet-o-fish. I thought the grilled veggies on the side were really good, and they came in handy when Surafel and I tried to fill the void left by having half a dinner. (Just kidding, the appetizers were actually really filling).

The salads, on the other hand, were enormous and could've easily been shared. Because of the dim lighting, it was kind of hard to see what you were eating and Aegean had some trouble locating her chicken. I thought the ranch dressing was a little watery, but I'm not a huge fan of the stuff in the first place.

Mahi mahi ^

Salad 1 (w/ vinagrette) ^

Salad 2 (w/ ranch) ^

Steering away from the debacle known as the main course, we decided to get some dessert because ending on those dishes would've sucked. Aegean tried to order the ice cream sandwich, but they said they ran out (apparently to the girl right next to us because she got one). So, we shared the Strawberry Strawberry, which was a decent strawberry shortcake. Surafel got the apple pie and Daryl ordered a root beer shake. Overall, they were pretty good and more appropriately priced (at $8 a pop).

Happy Endings ^

Strawberry Strawberry ^

Apple Pie a la mode ^

Root beer float ^

Overall, the food was okay, but not good enough to justify its exorbidant prices. If you want to go, I'd go before the hype dies down. Otherwise, save your money for an expensive restaurant whose best feature is its food, not its eye candy. Grade: C (average and unimpressive)

Ketchup

8590 Sunset Blvd.

West Hollywood, CA 90069

(310) 289-8590

Gloria's

Simply put, Gloria's is one of the best restaurants in Los Angeles. And remarkably, it is located right here on the West Side.

Gloria's can be found on Venice Blvd. between Clarington and Motor. In the tradition of other greats (Tacos La Flama, Alejo's), it is located in a small, unassuming strip mall (and is thus, very easily missed). It's about a block or two west of Natalee Thai, on the north side of Venice.

It's a small restaurant that looks like it could fit about 40-50 diners, most of which are regulars that want to keep this gem under the radar. It's a family-run business, which has been operating for over 20 years. The owner mentioned that they used to be located right in my neighborhood, near the Ralphs on Olympic. Drat!

I love Gloria's not only because the food is amazingly savory and delicious, but because going is always a true food experience. The decorations on the walls (e.g., empty bird cages, ship wheel??) are kind of random, but it adds to the charm. The owners call you señor and señorita, and stop by your table to chat. You can sit leisurely for hours- which kind of reminds me of being in Europe (particularly Spain) where the pace is slower (and nicer). Sometimes, the service can be a little slow, and you may have to go through lengths to get their attention. But they're always really cool, and you can tell that they make everything fresh, and ensure the quality of the food is top notch.

Last time I went, I walked in and the whole restaurant started applauding. This was because Daryl and Helen were first timers and told them that I recommended the restaurant to them. That's the sort of place this is.

The food, as I mentioned, is amazing. So, so, so good. Delicious, delectable, tasty, scrumptous, etc. And the portions are huge. They marinate their meats in a special manner and make their tortillas by hand. Their menu features El Salvadorian cuisine as well as traditional Mexican favorites, which you can order a la carte, or as part of a meal combo. If you have any questions about anything on the menu, they are quick to explain dishes and give you suggestions.

Everything I've had has been really good, and everyone I know who has been there has liked their dishes as well. I'd say it is safe to order anything on the menu. I highly recommend the carnitas plate and the bistec encebollados, and I've heard good things about the chile rellenos.

The pupusas are definitely something worth trying, if you eat cheese. These are El Salvadorian hand made tortillas filled with cheese. They look sort of like pancakes and are served with tasty sauces and salsas.

Pupusas ^

I personally love the fried plantains. They're not too big, cooked to perfection and are sweet, but not too sweet. Basically, there is no reason to go down the street to Versailles because Gloria's has it all. But you know, not Cuban.

Fried plantains ^

You can order Mexican beer, sangria, margaritas, horchata and other favorites. Be aware that their chips and salsa are really good, so don't fill up on them. Daryl got so into them, he forgot we didn't order our food and was confused when we called the waiter over.

YOM. A+.

Gloria's Cafe
10227 Venice Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90034-5902
310-838-0963


Chips & salsa ^



Chimichanga combo (note: guacamole heap) ^



Chile rellenos and enchilada combo ^



Carnitas in red sauce ^



Side of rice and beans and salad (takes up a whole plate!) ^

Ciudad

This was my second trip to Ciudad, which should tell you enough-- that it was good enough the first time to warrant a repeat visit, even though it's all the way in icky Downtown LA.

We went for Paella on the Patio, their blandly named special feature on Tuesday nights. Apparently, they save all their creativity for the menu-- a welcome change, if you ask me.

Anyway, each Tuesday features a different two paellas (you can choose one or get a half-and-half plate of both) and an appetizer for $30. Not a bargain by any means, but quality comes at a price. Ciudad, like its sister Border Grill, is up on all the latest dining trends: all food served is cage- and hormone-free, with no trans-fats and all those other things that might help assuage your guilt for spending so much on a meal. They're also a sustainable seafood partner and so on.

Yesterday's choices were eggplant and bell pepper paella and chicken, both of which were delicious, though I did favor the chicken. I also ordered the Argentine Gaucho Steak with Chimichurri sauce and two sides: fried plantains and garlic yuca. I don't know, I guess we were living it up.

Everything tasted fantastic, but I was still a little taken aback by the price, which seems to be happening a lot these days. $80 for two people is a bit excessive.

Overall, I'd give Ciudad a B+. Go for the happy hour (which, admittedly, I haven't tried, but if it's anything like Border Grill's, I can't wait to) or tapas Sundays, and avoid the rest.

Tom Sawyer Diner

This is a restaurant you'll probably never visit, and you have no reason to, even if you're desperately hungry at the wee hours of the night in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

And, honestly, I wouldn't write about it here, except that, in all honesty, I feel like things have gotten a bit too serious over at ZagatWho as of late. Gone are the funny pictures, and the witty comparisons of our food to some long-forgotten childhood memories, replaced with-- surprisingly enough-- real writing about restaurants.

So I invite you to slum it with me as I write an entry about a restaurant entirely undeserving of one.

The theming of the Tom Sawyer Diner ends at the name-- there is no other mention of Tom Sawyer, a whitewashed fence, or Mark Twain anywhere in the establishment. It's sort of like the Cheesecake Factory in that way, except they actually serve cheesecake (albeit not in a factory-like environment). This is also where comparisons to the Cheesecake Factory end.

I admire their honesty-- the ubiquitous diner dessert glass case did feature desserts, but the staff had chosen not to remove their tell-tale price tags and wrappings, betraying any notion of a home-cooked pie. Store bought through-and-through.

The food was less than unremarkable-- it was hardly edible (if CitySearch rated in Harrisburg, this place would get a negative score). Virginia mentioned that her tuna melt "smelled like death" and the beef gravy atop Andrew's meatloaf tasted like it was probably distilled from the sweat of the eponymous singer-songwriter. My open-faced turkey sandwich featured turkey meat older than the Berlin Wall, with the consistency of Butterball sandwich meat (pressed turkey product, I suppose). The baked mac and cheese looked like coffee cake and tasted like nothing.

And the service. It started out nicely enough, but quickly took a nosedive. I sort of blame myself for this-- why, Ravi, must you be so picky? After she dropped off our plates, I kept eyeing her suspiciously (not out of lust-- she was, as Virginia pointed out using an Arrested Development reference oft repeated throughout the trip, a bit of a "shemale"). She eventually cut herself on something at the bar, but continued to serve food with an open wound on her hand (occasionally sucking the blood out of the wound because, well, that's the sanitary thing to do, right?). I began to count the health code violations in my head, if only so that I wouldn't have to focus on the taste of the horrible food. Eventually, she got a bandage, but it wasn't big enough to cover the wound in my heart. Or the vomit.

Ravi