Intelligentsia

(Via)

Here's my dilemma. I was ready to write about Intelligentsia coffee's revelatory "Angeleno" iced coffee beverage, and tell you all how great it is, and how I still think about it, weeks after I tried it.

I was ready to tell you that I've tried, daily, to recreate this magical elixir, and that I've hedged my bets that a lifetime of happiness hinges upon my success doing so.

Now, though, I'm not so convinced. In finding the picture you see above, I also found out that, allegedly, this tasty treat has four-- four!-- shots of espresso. Even people who believe coffee is good for you can't possibly believe that much coffee is good for you (nor would they, or anyone else, think spending $5 on a coffee beverage is a good idea even infrequently).

So I'm torn. This is a delicious beverage, and you should head down to Intelligentsia, make nice with the hipster barista at the "concierge" counter, and try it. But you should also keep reminding yourself, as you gulp it down, that this is a sometimes treat-- it's too expensive, and it's too caffeinated.

But heck, while you're there, try one of those fancy pastries. I didn't, but I regret it, mostly because I'm a sucker for everything red velvet (except for literal red velvet). Share it, though, because if you eat it by yourself, you won't be able to fit into those $200 skinny jeans that you hope people will think cost you $10 at Goodwill. And then you won't feel comfortable going back to Intelligentsia ever again.

You will, though, because they brew a damn good espresso.

Deliciousness: A+

Price: C-

Location/Decor: A

www.intelligentsia.com

Bazaar by Jose Andres

The SLS Hotel at Beverly Hills

(Photos by Daryl! The complete album is available here.)

I think we all have that friend we love, but only in small doses. He stays the weekend twice a year, you two paint the town red and, by Sunday, you're ready to get rid of him. Then Tuesday rolls around and you're already looking forward to his next visit.

That's kind of like Bazaar for me. It was three hours and, at points, it felt just plain gimmicky (I'm looking at you, $16 "magic mojito" that was really just cotton candy with rum and mint poured on it). At other times, though, a complete reimagination of food I thought I knew. And in a good way.

Here are some standouts:

This is "not your everyday caprese salad," and it's true. I can tell you, though, that should this dish ever become the "everyday" caprese salad, we wouldn't need war or religion. Those little

white mozzarella balls? They're liquefied, and they burst in your mouth. You get all three flavors-- the cheese, the tomato and the basil-- all at once, and all perfectly balanced.

Lest you think all I've got here is praise, take a look at these babies. They aren't mutant lobsters; they're Bazaar's reimagining of a Philly Cheesesteak. And, well, they aren't very good, despite the waiter's claim that they're a signature dish. The "air bread" it's served on? Sort of like a fancy hollowed out creme puff, minus the sweetness, and filled with too much cheese. Throw a few pieces of Kobe beef on top (sparingly!) and that's the sandwich.

Here's one of the two shrimp dishes we ordered. In fact, everyone at the tabled ordered it, so you know we had high hopes. And it certainly delivered. But if these shrimp were potential mates, and you were a high school girl (work with me here), they'd be the "nice guy"-- reliable, and someone to become good friends with, but not someone to date. Though they appeared on the side of the menu devoted to fantastical creations, they looked pretty traditionally prepared to me.

Same goes for the steak. These two plates were the [insert your favorite character actor here] of the meal.

Then came dessert.

The big winner for me was definitely the "Passionfruit Coconut Floating Nitro Island." Not too much passionfruit, and just the right amount of coconut, on a pedestal of perfectly prepared bananas. The texture was kind of like the cross between a whipped cream and a soft meringue, and it was probably the best dessert I've ever had that didn't include a lick of chocolate.

And so, three hours later (and two seatings), the meal was over. I was ready for it to be over too, not in the least because no chairs we sat in offered back support, and I'm too old for these designer seats.

Still, I loved that meal. And while I've had my fill of molecular gastronomy for the time being, I can't wait for my next adventure.