Sydney, Australia: A foodie's hell.

(Note: I feel so strongly about this that I'm writing this entry from an Internet cafe in Sydney-- and it's costing me a dollar an hour.)

Not since Bush told us the WMDs existed has such a wide deception propagated over the masses of a country. Sydney, your food sucks.

I mean really really sucks.

Like beating up the kid in the wheelchair, they add insult to injury by charging far too much money for food significantly worse than that served in UCLA's dining halls.

Didn't you get the memo? Salt isn't the only spice around. And no, I'll order my food "take away" to avoid paying you an extra $2 for the exact same thing. Even though, either way, you have to get up to the counter to order it.

Do you take MasterCard? Yes? fantastic! But what's that? A TWENTY DOLLAR MINIMUM*? I suppose it isn't impossible for one person to eat $20 worth of food here-- my dinner last night cost $22, and they didn't even bother to pretend like they didn't just microwave it (seriously, he took my order, put everything onto a plate like they do at the Whole Foods hot foods bar, and then turned around and stuck it in a microwave. For a meal that cost $22!).

Australia, do you even have a national cuisine? It would appear not, though you certainly eat McDonald's more than most Americans and probably have more than your fair share of kabob stands. You're not too skinny, either. Americans are fat because our food tastes good and they give us huge portions. You are fat because your food just sucks and is made of crap, so you end up eating McDonald's or skipping the solid food and heading straight for the booze.

Oh, I noticed. (And I might end up eating Starbucks and McDonald's exclusively for the last three days I'm here too.)

I'm staying in my hostel with a British guy. And when British people complain about your food, you know you have a problem.

(Other note: besides that, Sydney is amazing and I'd love to live here someday, when I am rich and can demand only the best and freshest cuisine.)

Ravi
*According to Wikipedia, VISA's rules prohibit merchants from designating a minimum purchase threshold, though apparently they don't often enforce the rule.

My Grand Finale

Alright, I haven't posted here in awhile, but I've been eating out a lot. Now time is running out, so please accept, humbly, my short recaps below (of the places I remember, even though I'm sure I've been out more):

The Edison (bar) -- By far the coolest bar ambiance I've seen, though, admittedly, I haven't been to that many bars. Food is mediocre and drinks are overpriced, but it's worth a visit, particularly during their happy hour, when drinks are less overpriced. B+

The Dresden (bar) -- Kitschy, but their signature "blood and sand" drink won me over. Maybe if I'd seen Swingers I'd like it even more. Does not, thankfully, resemble the bombed-out German city in ambiance, but it's also no Edison. B-

Manna -- Oh man-na, so much meat. Go there to meat up with friends, because it's a nice social atmosphere, but the meat isn't terribly delicious. I never heard Daryl's scary bathroom story, so I can't say much else. B-

Mandrake -- My favorite bar in LA. A

World Cafe -- Mediocre all around, and not worth me trying to find something to say about it. C

El Parian -- Best carne asada I've ever had, but also more carne asada than I ever wanted. B+ [go to the website and see how hardcore I am to be a guy with a criminal record eating at a place like that.]

Fritelli's Doughnuts -- definitely not the next Pinkberry. Stick with Stan's. C+

Abode -- great food, outrageous prices. Definitely not a humble abode (not a toilet either, though). B (A- for food, A+ for menu creativity, D for value)

Spago -- Best meal I've ever had, best wines I've ever had, and best service I've ever experienced. But at $500 for two people, we deserved it. A+ (even for value) [note: I'm going to try, if I can remember everything, to go through course by course on a full entry.]

Fraiche -- Accessible French food. Delicious, fraiche ingredients (yes I had to make that pun), and the only mushrooms I've ever actually liked. I have a feeling this will quickly become the best restaurant in Culver City (it's only been open a month and a half). A

That's all I can remember from my last few weeks (it's been a busy month for my tummy... and wallet).